Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
