I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
