I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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