Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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