I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
