i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
