Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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