I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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