I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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