i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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