well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
