Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
