I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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