I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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