he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
