Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
