Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
