dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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