Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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