she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
