I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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