ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
