Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
