I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
