So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
