I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
