Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
