THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
