How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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