I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this will be a night to untag.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
