Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
