His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
