I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
