i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
