So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
