all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
