he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
