she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
