well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
