your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
