There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
