My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
