Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
