yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
