I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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