Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
