K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
