haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize