Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
