so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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