i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
