went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
