It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
