I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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