This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
