he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
