its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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