Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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