SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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